I faked an abortion last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
