Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
