i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
