I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
