Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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