No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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