The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
