She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
