Ambien. No doubt about it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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