Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
