You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
