Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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