he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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