yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's like iHOP with fire
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
