Farmville is her only friend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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