i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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