Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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