Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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