Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
