Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
