Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
