Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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