i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
