Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
