There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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