What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
