ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
PANTIES FOUND
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