I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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