just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
