my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
