I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
