he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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