omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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