that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
