Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
