I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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