I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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