she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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