she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
