Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
