New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was like eating out sand paper
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
