If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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