Plan B is the new Plan A
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
