why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
