Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
