I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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