Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
