before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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