Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
