At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
