I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
