He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
