just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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