I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
