I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
