i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
