Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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