I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
