I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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