who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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