she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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